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It has been a long while since my last post and it can be difficult to return to a blog or other internet project after such an absence, but return I have.

Since my last post I have become a mother to a little boy who is now four and a half months old. In many ways it is fair to say that my life and that of my husband has changed irreversibly. We are blessed with a beautiful child who is growing and developing at an alarming speed but who is charming in every way and our true delight.

At various points throughout my challenging pregnancy, I found that I questioned how being a mother would affect my sense of self and whether I would actually become a different person after giving birth. Although it can feel like that has happened, it is not really the case. I am as ever I was, with the same interests and worries, but straight in the middle of all that old me, there is a new element which glares like a spotlight and demands to be given full attention. That light shines on everything else and makes me see those old bits of myself from a new angle. It has been alarming at times, but not unwelcome. Becoming a mother feels very much like the next natural step to have taken and I am deeply grateful for my beautiful boy and rejoice in him.

But this last few weeks has been challenging. A young friend of mine recently died following complications arising from an uncommon illness called Behcets. This is not the post in which to write about Ruth – she deserves her own spot – but the grief we have felt at her passing has had knock on effects for all of us. Personally, my hormone levels changed as a response to her death and currently my boy is refusing to breastfeed. This is also causing me to grieve as I miss the intimacy of our feeding times together. Knowing that Our Lady comes to us in many guises I have begun to seek gentle counsel from Maria Lactans, The Nursing Mother of God in the hope that if it is time for me to end this part of my journey through motherhood, she will ease the way. Likewise, if there is still hope that I may continue with breastfeeding for a little time yet, then I pray that by her grace my boy will find the transition back to me an easy one.

Maria Lactans

Maria Lactans

In other news I have found my way along the path to Camp NaNoWriMo along with Veronica Laurence who is hiking the trail with me. This Nano ‘Lite’ is the first attempt I’ve made at high speed noveling for some time now and despite a few interruptions along the way, I am pleased with how things are going. I have made a tentative goal of 30,000 words by the end of this month towards finishing the first draft of my other significant project, Jude. I shall update with how it all turns out in due course.

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